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24 October 2007 @ 09:28 pm
How To Save A Life [II]  
Title : How To Save A Life [Part 2]
Author : Crystal ayedel 
Rating : NC-17
POV : Ryan
Pairing : Ryan/Brendon
Summary : How could I not see where the road I was on is heading to?
Disclaimer : Don't own. Don't care. Don't wish to be sued.
Dedication : To Carolyn and Alisha for believing in me.
Author’s Note : Betaed by Sarah as before. Thank you for the lovely comments.

2. Whisper the secret into my ears.

My steps pounded heavily against the tar ground of the street to our home. My breath was coming in quick and short gasps, depriving my brain of enough vital oxygen, but I need to hurry back.

I am going back to Brendon, going back to the one where I belong. Things has spiralled out of control. I didn't mean for all this to happen. I wanted to go home to him, tell him I was sorry and I want us to be back again. 

Back to what we were before. Before the band. Before Pete comes in and sign us. Before we were caught in media attention and all the fangirls competing for your attention. Before we could barely even go out without being splashed all over the tabloids. Before everything that has gone wrong in our relationship. I want all that back and you with me again. 

I want the time to rewind back to the innocence we shared together. 

It was a terrible mistake. A stupid decision that I made that had let us break apart. Before I knew it, I was craving for him and wanting him instead of you. I was spending more time over with him, in his arms than we were even in the same room. It started out pretty innocent. Or should I say it started out on his suggestion. He told me he would sign us up if only I would spent more time with him. I didn't see anything wrong with it. In fact, I was ecstatic to be given the chance to be with my idol, Pete Wentz. 

How could I not see where the road I was on is heading to? 

The nights that went by on the first few months was as normal as any sleepovers would be. We would watch movies and cuddle together in the bed, chatting animatedly about anything that crosses over our minds. It was fun, it was carefree in a way, and then I slowly found myself having more in common with him than I do with you. 

There was something in me that tells me I enjoyed his company more than I ever did with you. I never laughed as much when I am with you. Slowly, my emotions burned guilt into me. It was as if I was cheating on you, cheating on you emotionally even though we never did anything physically. The most we did was a simple friendly peck at the cheek, so why can't I get rid of the guilt that is flowing through me when I am with you? 

I never expect one night that I spent with you instead could change everything 

The night after both of us went to watch movies instead of me being with Pete, I thought things would be alright again and I would not feel guilty around you. But when I went to visit him the next day, I could not believe what happened. I still don't even up till now. Seeing him there, lying on the white tile-layered floor, with his blood seeping through his shirt and a razor blade lying beside him, dripping with maroon-red blood, my mind went blank. It was as if I wasn't there, just staring, staring at him before my mouth went into autopilot without me and I started screaming. Words like 'Don't leave me here' slipped through my lips as I hugged him closer to me, trying to borrow my body's warmth to his as he grew gradually colder. 

Things changed and the guilt dissipated, but I didn't know it was still wrong 

I couldn't remember what happens next, my memory was completely blank on what I did but he was alright. He was sent to the hospital before it was too late and he survived. I thought that he wouldn't make it for a moment while I was sitting there, in the waiting room with his family members anxiously waiting. I was terrified and scared. 

It felt as if I couldn't live without him at that moment. Its scary how the emotions that I should have felt for you rushed through me and suffocate me then. And when his eyes creaked open and my heart nearly dropped out of my stomach to see he was still alive, I knew I had crossed the line of just friends with him. When he kissed me on my lips a month later after he begged me on the phone to come over to his house, I knew that I had fallen for him and my feelings for him build the foundation to the separation between me and you. 

Current Mood: nostalgicWriting lyrics for my song
Current Music: Everything We Had - The Academy Is...
le_disko_queen on October 31st, 2007 02:54 pm (UTC)
SC! Oh! Because two is a bigger number. xP
I really liked this update.

I think it's ironic every time I read this, I'm listening to a song that can relate to this story.

I want another update.
Like, now.