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13 November 2007 @ 01:58 pm
How To Save A Life [III]  
Title : How to save a life [III]
Author : ayedel
Rating : NC-17
POV : Ryan
Pairing : Ryan/Brendon
Summary : My dirty little secret continues to play like a broken record, neverending and marred
Disclaimer : Don't own.
Dedication : To Carolyn and Alisha for believing in me and to all the commenters, thank you.
Special Thanks : To Sarah for betaing this for me ;]

Why did my emotions let me go astray from the pavement we shared?

When he told me that, the other night without me next to him, while I was away with you brought so much pain to him that he couldn't breathe and tried killing himself my breath hitched.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I let his lips caressed mine and probe into my mouth, both of us struggling to savour the bittersweet taste of our love. Or I thought it was then. And I let him take me on his bed for the first time, with him filling me fully and so deep I couldn't help myself from moaning his name. Whispering breathlessly to him to move, urging him on as I screamed and broke the silence of the amber-littered sky. It was the first of many more sins I committed with him.

My dirty little secret continues to play like a broken record, never-ending and marred

You probably didn't know, or you were pretending that you don't. I couldn't understand. How could you not with the amount of time I spent with him? I guess it was from that point some sort of jealousy formed in me. You didn't care. You didn't bother about what I was doing with him at all. And the amount of time you spent with Jon didn't help in rebuking my thoughts.
There was a little voice in me that told me perhaps you were cheating on me too. Perhaps you were eager for me to go out every night so you could go to your secret lover behind my back.

Yes, that was what ran through my mind as I kissed hard against Pete's lips during the Christmas night he was over at our home and you were away at Jon's house for partying. It was that moment I decided that maybe I would give my relationship with Pete a chance. Maybe it would work and I would love him more than I do with you. And I let slipped from my lips the three words to his name while he thrust deep inside me and brought me immersed pleasure and pain.

Then why is it I feel as if this is a huge mistake?

But it was all wrong. The words burned like acid unto my tongue and I couldn't speak. I couldn't stand it anymore. I pushed him away and told him to stop. Your face flashed through my head and I felt as if I was about to explode from the pressure and pain. What have I done? How could I let all of this to go off without control and direction, pulling the words I promised its only for you to be told to someone who barely match up to you?

How did I end up in this big charade that I took part in without me realising how far apart we are now and how much betrayal I have done to you? He asked me whether I was alright but I turned around and ran away before he could ask another question. Before he could expose what a liar I was. I must have missed you standing there, numb and emotionless behind our door as I tried to escape from the mistake I have done. How different would things be if I had saw you?

Guilt came back in torrents and I could not sleep anymore

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't think about anything but what I have done. I flinched when he touches me and I screamed in the middle of the night when he held me in my sleep. I was broken. I was damaged. But at that moment I was never as awake to the reality as I ever was. My eyes are wide open and I realised what I had to do to save our lives from continually being broken.

Help me mend the broken strings that once held our hearts together

The door squeaked open as my hands pushed against it. The living room was eerily quiet and there was no sight of you anywhere. I sighed. Maybe you were in bed, sleeping without me again, like every night. Guilt panged heavily against my chest.

I don't want to make you sleep without me again. No more. No more of me coming home after the sun has risen. No more making you into the second fiddle. As if you were the affair when he was the one. No more of this broken love scene.

I broke up with him, Brendon. I could not stop myself from loving you. I could not stand it anymore. I need to be with you. I need you to forgive me. I need things to be perfect again. Please give me just one chance. Just this one more chance and I promise I will never sway again.


Current Mood: crazycrazy
Current Music: Hot - Avril Lavigne
crab_apple_kidcrab_apple_kid on November 14th, 2007 02:48 am (UTC)
yay you're back XD *hugs*

This chapter was heart wrenching. The last paragraph especially, it brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful work<3
starcrossed lover.ayedel on November 14th, 2007 07:43 am (UTC)
Lol you are so sweet! *huggles* *blush* Nah, I'm not really back. I'll be gone til mid next month, exams starting soon x[.

Aw thank you! That's an amazing compliment. You are the best bb ;]
crab_apple_kidcrab_apple_kid on November 15th, 2007 04:08 am (UTC)
aw well good luck on your exams!

You're welcome, you deserve it<3
le_disko_queen on December 10th, 2007 04:05 pm (UTC)
Hey! I've been waiting on this story!
Loved the chapter.
I missed this.

I want to see how it all ends.

writtenaengelwrittenaengel on December 11th, 2007 12:43 am (UTC)
omg that was amazing *sniffles*
more soon?
Marjie Hlilmarjiluvsmcr on December 13th, 2007 02:58 am (UTC)
I've just finished reading all the chapters and my heart hurts :[ but I love it. Your writing is amazing. I hope someday I'll be able to have just a pinch of your awesomeness <3 though I have a bad feeling about what's gonna happen in the next chapter...I hope I'm wrong. There will be more soon yes? I'm very impatient XD
Jadebookxbutterfly on May 21st, 2009 07:56 am (UTC)


Ryden is love. No matter how much it hurts, they belong together, and with NO ONE ELSE. :| :)) <3